Yet, I suppose it describes the epiphany on the way home from Tesco I had last night.
Of course I had said revelation whilst doing something so mundane but isn't that always the way? Life is not like the movies where something so cataclysmic or profound sends the hero/heroine in a dramatic/romantic tailspin that makes them rush off to the airport/train station/their boss' office (normally to some sort of swirling score urging them on) to announce exactly how they are going to change their lives.
In the real world, you make discoveries about what you want, who you are and what you need when your mind wanders doing the mundane tasks like standing in a queue for a couple hundred years or dragging your shopping home. And the discovery is normally small; we are not like Dorothy in Oz, things don't pop into Technicolor, they slowly turn to colour.
So what did I realise? Did I work out what I want to do with my life? Did I work out my screwed up personal life and decide to stop wasting my time on people do nothing but harm to it? Or did I at least work out my finances?
Nope, I decided to simply embrace being a drama queen.
From this blog you may have noticed my tendency to be slightly 'highly strung' and 'strong willed' (those are the nicest ways of putting it). I've spent the past 4 months or so lamenting this essential part of my character and the ridiculous situations I get myself into because of it.
However, in the past three weeks, as I've been trying to sort my life out I've never been more bored. Now some may say I seek attention (and to a certain extent they may be right) but I've realised I don't want my life to become sensible, sober and along the straight and narrow.
The drama in my life sucks; it makes me what to tear my hair out, scream, cry, laugh, all at the same time but I wouldn't change it for the world.
It keeps life interesting and at the end I can say life was a bitch but at least I lived it properly.
I don't know what I want and I don't know how my life is going to pan out. Its terrifying, for about a year now I've wanted a plan and or a direction because project less ambition is so confusing and frustrating. But if I knew I’d just get bored with the linear path laid out in front of me. By not knowing, my life stops being routine and repetitive for as long as possible. With my highly strung way of viewing the world, I never really know what’s going to happen next and this is good as well as bad.
I suppose I’m learning to take all the crap because occasionally it comes with a bit of good.
It's like in Pocahontas (I know standard blog procedure is to quote some profound, wise and dead scholar/poet but its my personal blog and I’ll reference Disney movies if I like) when she is singing and rowing along the river about having to get married and she comes to the fork. She goes down the narrower, more dangerous river bed because its more exciting and she doesn’t know where it goes.
Life is dramatic, hard and full of ridiculous situations but hopefully it should be entertaining as well.
You heard it here first folks; 'Mad' Caroline is back and better than ever. Expect more OTT hijinks and hysteria to follow.
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