More Excuses to Follow...

I got an internship today.

It took me rather by surprise that I was choosen over all the other applicants but that's paralysing self doubt for you.

Its for a big UK charity that I won't name with their events and marketing department and starts in a week or two for the next three months.

In the meantime I have five essays, four articles, an exam and several work experiences applications to write.

So no pressure.

I wonder if this is what being a grown up is like? The responsiblities, the stress, the making of positive descisions about my future.

To be perfectly honest I'd rather get back under the covers and pretend that I'm still the five year old who wanted to Belle from Beauty and the Beast when she grew up.

I'm just not sure about this internship. I want to do it and it'll be good experience but I'm scared that if I do it I'll be pushing myself down one particular path with no particular hope of looking back or changing my mind. I want to be sure that its what I want to do with my life. I don't really want to just get a 9-5 job when I graduate and that to be it. Up the career ladder we go!

That's why I'm still debating journalism. Practically its a stupid idea as I have no contacts and/or money but it also may be the best fit for me. I love to write, I love to rant and I'm fascinated by the world around me even though I'm constantly despairing of it.

I don't want to go down a linear road to conventional, middle class bliss, I want the unconventional, stupid and reckless excitement that most people only see in the movies.

I always have been a dreamer.

Anyway, I don't know how often I can't update in the next few weeks as my life is about to get ten times more stressful than it already is.

Hopefully I'll see you on the other side of June with all my hair still in place.

AWOL

So I haven't updated this in a while.

Short story is that I was busy, the long story is a bit more complicated and not something I want to go into on the internet.

This blog has always been personal, so it follows my mood swings and sometimes I'm just not in the mood to write.

Shit happens shall we say. I've been ridiculously busy with university work and when I haven't I have been trying to work out what I want to do with my life and it hasn't been easy. I'm considering starting up another blog based on something I'm passionate about but I haven't worked out what that'll be yet. Perhaps something political, historical or literary but the exact specifications are unclear as of yet.

Until then, I will give you the link to the blog recording my little social experiment at the moment:

http://carolinejm.livejournal.com/

I gave up alcohol for Lent.

Yes really.

Its 'sort my life out' time.