Slap List 2011

(Disclaimer: If I actually met any of these people I wouldn't slap them unless it was in the verbal way. I'm not a violent person. Promise.)

Having seen this on the Guardian no less I have decided that it is ok to post this without getting sued although the title may still raise eyebrows.

The above title is my own pecuilar way of describing the list below of the people who have annoyed me most in the past year. It comes from being a peculiar girl from a peculiar family with a peculiar mother who introduced her to the concept of a 'slap list' at a very young age. Upon seeing someone who annoys her own television she would remark 'they're on my slap list'. It describes someone who is completely, irrationally irritating. Therefore I have composed my own, both political and cultural, list of people who got on my wick for various reasons in 2011. They are as follows:

1) David Cameron/Nick Clegg: Perennial favourites but it is becoming increasingly impossible to distinguish where Cameron's arse ends and Clegg's head begins.

2) Barack Obama: I liked you when you were elected. I was all 'yes we can'. Stop screwing that up. The Guantanamo Bay thing was not cool. Bad Obama. Lad points must go for this and the whole Rick rolling Twitter thing though.

3) Royalists: Give it up. No-one cares about Wills and Kate. And the British public is not mostly royalist, they just liked the extra day off work. Apathy is not a mandate to rule.

4)The Tea Party- Go Away, Please?

5)Nadine Dorries- You know why.

6)Louise Mensch- See above.

7)Theresa May- And so completes the Tory party answer to Macbeth: 'We shall we three meet again/in thunder lighting or in rain/ when the hurly burly's done, when the battles' lost and won'. And I'm not making it up...

8)Greece- Can you stop imploding please? You're giving the europhobics ammunition to scare people.

9)Tulisa from X Factor- Does she just bug anyone else? Anyone?

10) The Go Compare Man- Why is this still on television?

11) Peaches Geldof- Why is she still on television?

12) The Entire Cast of Made In Chelsea- The Only Way is Essex cast are just as vapid but at least they know and are a little nicer about it...And the boys have stupid hair.

13) News of the World- Not cool. Just not cool.

14) David Starkey- Really? I used to like the way you made Tudor history into an episode of Gossip Girl.

15) George Osbourne- A valuable asset to Cameron's government to be sure as they can save money by paying him exclusively in gold stars and extra crayons.

16) Network Rail- 'We are sorry to announce that every train you ever try to get on is delayed indefinitely/cancelled. We are not really sorry for the delay to your train but we'll say so anyway so we can over charge you'. I wonder how long they'd last if they could only rise prices by the percent at which customer satisfaction had gone up...

17) Orange- I know how networks work and know exactly how to fix my internet problem but I need Orange to reset the system to do so. They think I don't know how to connect and if I move two feet from the router the connection should end (the fact that I could get a stronger signal from houses two streets away was met with awkward silence).

18) People who stop and stand in the doorways, the bottom of stairwells and in the middle of the pavement- Surely evolution must have dealt with people like this by now?

19) The British Public- 'Oh wah wah wah the evil public sector bankrupted the economy and are taking all our money while go to hospital, expect our children to have a good education and want our wheelies bins collected in a timely fashion'. I have only this to say...