Sunday 30 January 2011

Well, here comes another existential crisis....

This is getting rather repetitive.

I wonder whether its the fact that I've entered a new decade of my life, or because its January or because I've almost reached the half way point of my time at university and can no longer claim the fresher haze for the fact that I'm completely at sea.

Its more than not knowing what I want in the future or even what I want right now...its the full blown, cliché ridden 'Who am I?' debate ranging inside my head. My emotions are all over the place and I can go from lovely and caring to evil and vindictive in sixty seconds for no particular reason. I can't decide if certain things in my life are worth bothering with or if I even care about them any more, I seem to lost the passion for everything in my life that I had previously loved.

I need to start on applications and making important decisions about my future, or at least get on with my seminar work, but I seem to rather sit around watching the Tudors on iplayer and sit lazily contemplating the meaning of the universe and everything in it. This may be acceptable if I were a 18th century dandy composing poetry underneath my favourite oak on my country estate but not so much for a student sitting in a rented house in Birmingham, shivering because her boiler breaks twice a day.