Why do you seem to be under the impression that providing the internet connection that I pay you for is optional?
Would you feel the same if I decided paying you was optional?
Because spending my evenings on the phone to your Indian call centre workers rather than getting on with my work or with my life even.
So after two weeks of a broken laptop I finally bring it home and connect it to the internet. It is running excruciatingly slowly then all of a sudden the internet connection disappears completely.
And hasn't returned for the past five hours. Apparently the router is buggered.
Such is my life.
Monday, 30 January 2012
Friday, 27 January 2012
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
What I Have (Erroneously) Learnt From Disney Movies
Disney has a hell of a lot to answer for. They are probably eighty per cent responsible for my world view as a child and probably still twenty per cent effective still. This is essentially what I believed aged five:
1) Men with hairy chest and muddy, heavy boots are far too virile to be up too any good, next thing you know they'll gather an angry mob to kill your friends when you dump them (Gaston).
2) That as long as you're a nice, friendly and benevolent anthropomorphic lion than its ok to not be able 'to wait to be king'.
3) Never trust girls called Vanessa (aka Ursula's alter alias when trying to steal Eric away from Ariel by stealing her voice).
4) Mice can be servants and friends rather than household pests (my Ornithophobia held fast on the birds as friends question however).
5) That an evil sea witch had stolen my beautiful singing voice and left me tone deaf (clue: I was just tone deaf).
6) That it was possible to have naturally occurring fire engine red hair (you ain't foolin' nobody Ariel, Nice 'N' Easy perhaps?)
7) Boys called 'Eric' are wusses.
8) That everyone should have their own Robin Williams voiced Genie.
9) That if you didn't have dainty (and small) feet like Cinderella you were an Ugly Stepsister.
10) Snow White was a wuss.
11) That Pocohontas was a perfectly acceptable name for my soon to be new born sister (and telling my entire kindergarten class that it will be the case).
12) That the 'belly out' Jasmine look was a good idea.
13) That girls that read books and want adventures are cool.
What I still believe (and what proved to be correct):
1) Snow White was a wuss (and potentially a bit easy given she went off to the Prince's castle without any form of drink buying at the end).
2) That Pocohontas is a perfectly acceptable nickname for my fifteen year old sister.
3) That apart from Aladdin, nearly every boy in a Disney movie is a bit of a wuss.
4)That girls that read books and want adventures are cool.
5)That everyone should have their own Robin Williams voiced Genie.
6)To see a sea witch about a singing voice if I ever think about entering any reality talent show (not that I would anyway).
7)Never trust girls called Vanessa.
Next time: What I have erroneously learnt from Gossip Girl.
1) Men with hairy chest and muddy, heavy boots are far too virile to be up too any good, next thing you know they'll gather an angry mob to kill your friends when you dump them (Gaston).
2) That as long as you're a nice, friendly and benevolent anthropomorphic lion than its ok to not be able 'to wait to be king'.
3) Never trust girls called Vanessa (aka Ursula's alter alias when trying to steal Eric away from Ariel by stealing her voice).
4) Mice can be servants and friends rather than household pests (my Ornithophobia held fast on the birds as friends question however).
5) That an evil sea witch had stolen my beautiful singing voice and left me tone deaf (clue: I was just tone deaf).
6) That it was possible to have naturally occurring fire engine red hair (you ain't foolin' nobody Ariel, Nice 'N' Easy perhaps?)
7) Boys called 'Eric' are wusses.
8) That everyone should have their own Robin Williams voiced Genie.
9) That if you didn't have dainty (and small) feet like Cinderella you were an Ugly Stepsister.
10) Snow White was a wuss.
11) That Pocohontas was a perfectly acceptable name for my soon to be new born sister (and telling my entire kindergarten class that it will be the case).
12) That the 'belly out' Jasmine look was a good idea.
13) That girls that read books and want adventures are cool.
What I still believe (and what proved to be correct):
1) Snow White was a wuss (and potentially a bit easy given she went off to the Prince's castle without any form of drink buying at the end).
2) That Pocohontas is a perfectly acceptable nickname for my fifteen year old sister.
3) That apart from Aladdin, nearly every boy in a Disney movie is a bit of a wuss.
4)That girls that read books and want adventures are cool.
5)That everyone should have their own Robin Williams voiced Genie.
6)To see a sea witch about a singing voice if I ever think about entering any reality talent show (not that I would anyway).
7)Never trust girls called Vanessa.
Next time: What I have erroneously learnt from Gossip Girl.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
'But I Don't Wanna Grow Up!'
I hate responsibility.
I do not like having to look after myself and sort out stupid things like money and my future, why can I not tell someone what I want and have them do it for me? Is that too much to ask?
I'd rather flout around in my usual overly dramatic way absorbed in my usual exenstential crises and uni work panics without having anything to do with this 'reality' business.
I mean, its a nice place, but you wouldn't want to live there.
I do not like having to look after myself and sort out stupid things like money and my future, why can I not tell someone what I want and have them do it for me? Is that too much to ask?
I'd rather flout around in my usual overly dramatic way absorbed in my usual exenstential crises and uni work panics without having anything to do with this 'reality' business.
I mean, its a nice place, but you wouldn't want to live there.
Friday, 30 December 2011
Slap List 2011
(Disclaimer: If I actually met any of these people I wouldn't slap them unless it was in the verbal way. I'm not a violent person. Promise.)
Having seen this on the Guardian no less I have decided that it is ok to post this without getting sued although the title may still raise eyebrows.
The above title is my own pecuilar way of describing the list below of the people who have annoyed me most in the past year. It comes from being a peculiar girl from a peculiar family with a peculiar mother who introduced her to the concept of a 'slap list' at a very young age. Upon seeing someone who annoys her own television she would remark 'they're on my slap list'. It describes someone who is completely, irrationally irritating. Therefore I have composed my own, both political and cultural, list of people who got on my wick for various reasons in 2011. They are as follows:
1) David Cameron/Nick Clegg: Perennial favourites but it is becoming increasingly impossible to distinguish where Cameron's arse ends and Clegg's head begins.
2) Barack Obama: I liked you when you were elected. I was all 'yes we can'. Stop screwing that up. The Guantanamo Bay thing was not cool. Bad Obama. Lad points must go for this and the whole Rick rolling Twitter thing though.
3) Royalists: Give it up. No-one cares about Wills and Kate. And the British public is not mostly royalist, they just liked the extra day off work. Apathy is not a mandate to rule.
4)The Tea Party- Go Away, Please?
5)Nadine Dorries- You know why.
6)Louise Mensch- See above.
7)Theresa May- And so completes the Tory party answer to Macbeth: 'We shall we three meet again/in thunder lighting or in rain/ when the hurly burly's done, when the battles' lost and won'. And I'm not making it up...
8)Greece- Can you stop imploding please? You're giving the europhobics ammunition to scare people.
9)Tulisa from X Factor- Does she just bug anyone else? Anyone?
10) The Go Compare Man- Why is this still on television?
11) Peaches Geldof- Why is she still on television?
12) The Entire Cast of Made In Chelsea- The Only Way is Essex cast are just as vapid but at least they know and are a little nicer about it...And the boys have stupid hair.
13) News of the World- Not cool. Just not cool.
14) David Starkey- Really? I used to like the way you made Tudor history into an episode of Gossip Girl.
15) George Osbourne- A valuable asset to Cameron's government to be sure as they can save money by paying him exclusively in gold stars and extra crayons.
16) Network Rail- 'We are sorry to announce that every train you ever try to get on is delayed indefinitely/cancelled. We are not really sorry for the delay to your train but we'll say so anyway so we can over charge you'. I wonder how long they'd last if they could only rise prices by the percent at which customer satisfaction had gone up...
17) Orange- I know how networks work and know exactly how to fix my internet problem but I need Orange to reset the system to do so. They think I don't know how to connect and if I move two feet from the router the connection should end (the fact that I could get a stronger signal from houses two streets away was met with awkward silence).
18) People who stop and stand in the doorways, the bottom of stairwells and in the middle of the pavement- Surely evolution must have dealt with people like this by now?
19) The British Public- 'Oh wah wah wah the evil public sector bankrupted the economy and are taking all our money while go to hospital, expect our children to have a good education and want our wheelies bins collected in a timely fashion'. I have only this to say...
Having seen this on the Guardian no less I have decided that it is ok to post this without getting sued although the title may still raise eyebrows.
The above title is my own pecuilar way of describing the list below of the people who have annoyed me most in the past year. It comes from being a peculiar girl from a peculiar family with a peculiar mother who introduced her to the concept of a 'slap list' at a very young age. Upon seeing someone who annoys her own television she would remark 'they're on my slap list'. It describes someone who is completely, irrationally irritating. Therefore I have composed my own, both political and cultural, list of people who got on my wick for various reasons in 2011. They are as follows:
1) David Cameron/Nick Clegg: Perennial favourites but it is becoming increasingly impossible to distinguish where Cameron's arse ends and Clegg's head begins.
2) Barack Obama: I liked you when you were elected. I was all 'yes we can'. Stop screwing that up. The Guantanamo Bay thing was not cool. Bad Obama. Lad points must go for this and the whole Rick rolling Twitter thing though.
3) Royalists: Give it up. No-one cares about Wills and Kate. And the British public is not mostly royalist, they just liked the extra day off work. Apathy is not a mandate to rule.
4)The Tea Party- Go Away, Please?
5)Nadine Dorries- You know why.
6)Louise Mensch- See above.
7)Theresa May- And so completes the Tory party answer to Macbeth: 'We shall we three meet again/in thunder lighting or in rain/ when the hurly burly's done, when the battles' lost and won'. And I'm not making it up...
8)Greece- Can you stop imploding please? You're giving the europhobics ammunition to scare people.
9)Tulisa from X Factor- Does she just bug anyone else? Anyone?
10) The Go Compare Man- Why is this still on television?
11) Peaches Geldof- Why is she still on television?
12) The Entire Cast of Made In Chelsea- The Only Way is Essex cast are just as vapid but at least they know and are a little nicer about it...And the boys have stupid hair.
13) News of the World- Not cool. Just not cool.
14) David Starkey- Really? I used to like the way you made Tudor history into an episode of Gossip Girl.
15) George Osbourne- A valuable asset to Cameron's government to be sure as they can save money by paying him exclusively in gold stars and extra crayons.
16) Network Rail- 'We are sorry to announce that every train you ever try to get on is delayed indefinitely/cancelled. We are not really sorry for the delay to your train but we'll say so anyway so we can over charge you'. I wonder how long they'd last if they could only rise prices by the percent at which customer satisfaction had gone up...
17) Orange- I know how networks work and know exactly how to fix my internet problem but I need Orange to reset the system to do so. They think I don't know how to connect and if I move two feet from the router the connection should end (the fact that I could get a stronger signal from houses two streets away was met with awkward silence).
18) People who stop and stand in the doorways, the bottom of stairwells and in the middle of the pavement- Surely evolution must have dealt with people like this by now?
19) The British Public- 'Oh wah wah wah the evil public sector bankrupted the economy and are taking all our money while go to hospital, expect our children to have a good education and want our wheelies bins collected in a timely fashion'. I have only this to say...
Thursday, 24 November 2011
Writer's Block
I hate it.
I really hate it.
I don't even know what to say here. I have a few ideas for articles but when I tryto write...nothing.
I have a mountain of work to do for uni as well but all I want is a nap.
I'm not even reading the news at the moment.
I really hate it.
I don't even know what to say here. I have a few ideas for articles but when I tryto write...nothing.
I have a mountain of work to do for uni as well but all I want is a nap.
I'm not even reading the news at the moment.
Friday, 4 November 2011
Choice and all its Consequences
So I'm a fairly indecisive person.
I don't like decisions because being a naturally insecure person I always think I'll make the wrong one. Particularly as I've made some clangers in my life, especially in the last year.
Therefore the end of university is a particularly daunting. I never took a gap year and I was always so desperate to leave home from about thirteen onwards it was never a question about whether or not I wanted to go to university. I have very little entrepreneurial sense and despite dabbling in a Drama GCSE I never had an inclination to follow the cliched 'getting the bus to Big City to fulfill my dreams' path. Especially when its not really my dream to have strangers staring me on a stage or screen every night. I'm one of those weird people who don't like being in the spotlight; they'd rather give those who are the words to say.
I also thought university would be a good way to avoid the 'what do I want to do with my life' question.
However, now that my stay of execution is almost over and I'm being forced to face the question I've been avoiding the past twenty one years.
And to add insult to injury now I have more choices than I did three years ago. Although admittedly most of them involve money I don't have.
Even with this recession which probably likely to doom us all for all eternity if the Guardian is to be believed I could go into any industry that accommodates slightly temperamental creative types.
That is if the recession ever ends mind.
With all these options therefore it makes more difficult to make a decision and has been almost giving me nightmares these past few months. However, now that I've reached the grand old age of 21 I'm feeling a lot more zen about it.
I'm old now, there is no avoiding it. As my darling sister pointed out I'm halfway to 42 and a third of the way to 63. Now that the flower of my youth is wilting I'm less worried about the future. I've lost a bit of the mad rush to make a decision. The beauty of having choice is that you can wait and see what you feel like.
Going back to Harrogate doesn't seem so terrible anymore. Of course its still a town that believes that the introduction of a Tesco will bring doom to us all but its a pleasant and safe enough place to mull things.
Hope I won't have to do so much work experience as well.
I don't like decisions because being a naturally insecure person I always think I'll make the wrong one. Particularly as I've made some clangers in my life, especially in the last year.
Therefore the end of university is a particularly daunting. I never took a gap year and I was always so desperate to leave home from about thirteen onwards it was never a question about whether or not I wanted to go to university. I have very little entrepreneurial sense and despite dabbling in a Drama GCSE I never had an inclination to follow the cliched 'getting the bus to Big City to fulfill my dreams' path. Especially when its not really my dream to have strangers staring me on a stage or screen every night. I'm one of those weird people who don't like being in the spotlight; they'd rather give those who are the words to say.
I also thought university would be a good way to avoid the 'what do I want to do with my life' question.
However, now that my stay of execution is almost over and I'm being forced to face the question I've been avoiding the past twenty one years.
And to add insult to injury now I have more choices than I did three years ago. Although admittedly most of them involve money I don't have.
Even with this recession which probably likely to doom us all for all eternity if the Guardian is to be believed I could go into any industry that accommodates slightly temperamental creative types.
That is if the recession ever ends mind.
With all these options therefore it makes more difficult to make a decision and has been almost giving me nightmares these past few months. However, now that I've reached the grand old age of 21 I'm feeling a lot more zen about it.
I'm old now, there is no avoiding it. As my darling sister pointed out I'm halfway to 42 and a third of the way to 63. Now that the flower of my youth is wilting I'm less worried about the future. I've lost a bit of the mad rush to make a decision. The beauty of having choice is that you can wait and see what you feel like.
Going back to Harrogate doesn't seem so terrible anymore. Of course its still a town that believes that the introduction of a Tesco will bring doom to us all but its a pleasant and safe enough place to mull things.
Hope I won't have to do so much work experience as well.
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